Monday, 12 July 2010


It's nearly here. At last. The culmination of three years' worth of hard study, focus and determination; graduation day. Oh, the things I've learned since 2007. I read a selection of the finest works of literature and theatre ever written. I created gastronomic delights on the smallest of budgets (who ever knew ketchup worked so well with rice?). I devised a multitude of worthy causes that a Henry Hoover can be put to. I discovered Come Dine With Me. And as of 6 o' clock Wednesday evening, it's all over; I will officially be a graduate.

However, despite all the thrills and spills that the day's complementary white wine and parents en masse will no doubt give me, there remains the slight problem of having to dress like this for the duration:

You can slice it any way you like, but the graduation ensemble just ain't flattering. Billowing black robes (similar to the ones sported by evangelical tyrants in films about colonial America), an unfortunate colour scheme (I get to wear black and brown) and mushroom-shaped hat hair all make for a pretty disastrous look.

Originally, I intended to write an article innovating unique and brilliant ways to liven up your glamorous rented robes. However, two hours in I am still very much in the dark, bar my usual 'throw gold chains and eyeliner on it and hope for the best' approach; the pressure of not wanting to fall on my six-inch-heeled arse in front of everyone, together the fact my dear Nanny will want 'lovely' photographs of me looking 'lovely' with the family have won (this time).

The following is comprised of pretty pictures of what I'd wear on the big day if I could.

Butler & Wilson Crystal and Pewter Skull Tiara

Fox Face Mask

Lazy Oaf 'Yes' ring

Finsk Black Pony Skin Wedge Shoe

The Star of Africa Royal Sceptre

Best of luck - and don't forget to smile for the failed photographer x

PS - I will need hairspray. Lots of hairspray.